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Motionless Bliss: The Joys Of Getting Fat

January 30, 2008

When you want some good food – and by good, I mean food that makes you feel good – you eat Soul Food. They call it that for a reason. The best place to get it is at Oakland’s own Home of Chicken and Waffles. Yes, chicken; yes, waffles. It is right across the street from Jack London Square if you’re already sold and need to jump up and go there right now.


Now that the believers have left, let’s move on to why Soul Food is the best food, and The Home of Chicken and Waffles is your best bet around here. You may know that Soul Food was invented by black people. However, just because Church’s Chicken is always packed with them, that doesn’t mean you should go there. Not that it isn’t good in a pinch, just don’t operate on the “chinese people means good chinese food” principle we all know and love.

At any rate, you will probably find plenty of black people in there, making this an ideal location to appreciate the riches of their culture, namely fried chicken and it’s various accoutremonts. (I didn’t write the menu. Allow me to paraphrase Dave Chappelle: “If you don’t like fried chicken and watermelon, there’s something wrong with you, not me.” Nuff said.) On said menu, you will find many mouth-watering combinations which have been given the names of their inventors. (See: “The Homeboy,” “Angie’s Delight”, etc.) On these plates you will find such things as chicken (duh), waffles (duh), macaroni and cheese, collard greens, grits, hush puppies, potatoes, gravy and other fried things of all sorts. Not for the weak of heart, and I do mean that literally.

Personally, every time I go I want to try everything, but I was unfortunately not granted a stomach large enough to fit. Pooh. These items are to be enjoyed with large helpings of butter and hot sauce. Especially hot sauce. On everything. Grab a Sunrise – not the tequila variety – to go with it, and you are set.

(Something ought to be noted here: If you have any problem with “gaining weight” or somesuch garbage, you had best stay away. Know at least that if you go with me, I will not tolerate any such complaining. Soul Food is a situation where the ends justify the means.)

As if that wasn’t enough, the place itself is an old school diner with vinyl seats on the booths, tacky light fixtures and a counter to sit at if you’re feeling social. The special menu items are painted in a nice mural on the wall behind the counter with the smiling faces of their creators beaming down. It is a pleasant atmosphere. The waitstaff is particularly courteous as well; they even stay open until 4 am on Friday and Saturday if you’re out late and want something to eat (as many do). I recommend these hours as the best time to experience the restaurant as a cultural artifact, but if you’re there just for the food, do yourself a favor and feed your hangover at approximately 1 or 2 in the afternoon when the lunch rush has faded and skies and eyes are cloudy still. Really, the only thing that would make this place better is a sweet view of the bay, but when one considers the wealth already present, it doesn’t seem to matter so much.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 31, 2008 1:12 am

    we just might have to see if they’ll cater my young fella birthday this year…

  2. January 31, 2008 11:32 pm

    the latest issue of details mag with my boyfriend on the cover has a great article about how liberating it is to let loose and get fat and eat what you want. i love eating what i want, but i never want to be fat!

  3. February 1, 2008 8:48 pm

    Easy enough for GUYS to say- gwillis will never have to worry about getting thunder-thighs. But, nevertheless this place sounds amazing and no doubt demand it next time I am inebriated. Also- if you wanna bring the Soul home then check out this lil find I just bought: apologize for the lame source but it was the only place with a good image)…. can be found in the Ethnic aisle at Safeway, natch.

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