Skip to content

Whole Foods: Is a Delicigasm Worth the Trouble?

January 7, 2008

As the second official post, I’d like to thank everyone for their awesome comments and feedback- you have resurrected my esteem to the point of non-deletion of this blog. I look forward to seeing each of your own (overdue) contributions in the near future. I apologize for the overall blahness of the interface- improvements will ensue- but I cower at the impressiveness that is the Young Fellas header and am still mustering up courage to tackle a similar endeavor.
For my second listing I give you a review of the natural wonder known as Berkeley’s Whole Foods- and please, you do not need to remind me how exciting my 2008 has begun…

Whole Foods
Ashby & Telegraph
Berkeley, CA

I have a hate/love/hate relationship with Whole Foods. Especially this one. Am I the only one who thinks its conspicuous location is a not-so-subtle red flag?? Perhaps this entry is not so much a review of the establishment itself- I’m sure everyone is familiar with this organic-fairtrade-nonhydrogenated Trader Joe’s-for-the-rich-man – but rather, a review of the people who shop there. Sometimes I am embarrassed to count myself among them.

The parking lot, straddling the perimeter of the awkward corner site, is an L-Shaped battlefield where drivers mysteriously forget proper etiquette. Perhaps the lure of the most expensive produce in the land is enough motivation for someone to trample you and throw your poor mutilated body to the wayside…. who knows. Proper Driving Etiquette, people! Please let me know if this not an unsaid rule: When one is waiting for a parking spot, ie- someone is pulling out and you are intending to take said spot, putting on one’s blinker is essentially “calling” the spot, thus the spot is reserved and no other spot seekers may impinge. Wellllll apparently someone didn’t get the memo. And her name is Stupid Fatty McFatterson in the Silver Rice Rocket. And all I could do was lay on my horn for a moment, yell profanities (with the windows rolled up) and shake my fist while cursing her very existence. In this way, Whole Foods has the capacity to incite quiet riots.

In my opinion, only the Berkeley Whole Foods has displayed this kind of consumer behavior, as far as local proximity goes. Other strange behavior has also been noted: spending whole paychecks on the ingredients for one meal, for example, or buying rare and exotic vegan caviar (made that up, btw) costing $ 29.99 an ounce while apparently looking like you just crawled out of the dumpster around the corner. Or, in case of someone’s mother, turning to Whole Foods for not only your nutritional needs but also clothing, home accessories, and Christmas presents. I admit, YES I ADMIT, that I too find myself smelling the import candles and browsing through the recycled-metal water bottles. I sigh as I admit that I am one of them.

But, I highly recommend the Apple & Cinnamon Granola, on sale now for $2.99 a pound!

photo from the Gluten-Free Girl blog- what does that mean, anyway?

Advertisements
10 Comments leave one →
  1. January 8, 2008 6:29 am

    maris, i absolutely LOVE your writing. you’re talented girl, make some mulah off this endeavor. anyway, i too frequent whole foods, as one just opened down the street a couple months. it is the largest and newest whole foods in san francisco, and has the potrero hill neighborhood excited as well as up in arms about hurting local small businesses (like the good life grocery on 20th, i still go there!). yes, it’s expensive, and yes, i can’t afford it, so when i do shop there, i buy a just a little bit, but i do love it. lately i’ve been frequenting safeway more cuz it has everything. but whole foods is a great addition to the neighborhood, and if you can’t stand the people, make friends with the people our age who work there =P

  2. January 8, 2008 6:29 am

    maris, i absolutely LOVE your writing. you’re talented girl, make some mulah off this endeavor. anyway, i too frequent whole foods, as one just opened down the street a couple months. it is the largest and newest whole foods in san francisco, and has the potrero hill neighborhood excited as well as up in arms about hurting local small businesses (like the good life grocery on 20th, i still go there!). yes, it’s expensive, and yes, i can’t afford it, so when i do shop there, i buy a just a little bit, but i do love it. lately i’ve been frequenting safeway more cuz it has everything. but whole foods is a great addition to the neighborhood, and if you can’t stand the people, make friends with the people our age who work there =P

  3. January 8, 2008 8:22 pm

    gee willis- get it g.willis?- thank you for enjoying the inner workings of the Maris-Mind. But the point of this site is that I want to hear what others have to say about other places, places I haven’t been yet!It is true that Safeway has everything- I went to Whole Foods to make my now-famous Eggplant Parmesan (which I will always give Tim credit for, for teaching me) but I wanted it to be a little heartier so I wanted some kind of meat sauce… but to no avail. Whole Foods’ pasta sauces were all vegetarian, not even meat flavored. Well I was not about to get some ground meat and make a sauce from scratch, so over to Safeway I had to go. So that’s a tip, party people- meat sauce (and some pretty good choices at that) = Safeway, the meat-lover’s choice.Any good tips for befriending the people who work there? I do not own a fixed gear bike, and I wear clothes from the Gap … looks like I’m SOL!

  4. January 8, 2008 8:22 pm

    gee willis- get it g.willis?- thank you for enjoying the inner workings of the Maris-Mind. But the point of this site is that I want to hear what others have to say about other places, places I haven’t been yet!It is true that Safeway has everything- I went to Whole Foods to make my now-famous Eggplant Parmesan (which I will always give Tim credit for, for teaching me) but I wanted it to be a little heartier so I wanted some kind of meat sauce… but to no avail. Whole Foods’ pasta sauces were all vegetarian, not even meat flavored. Well I was not about to get some ground meat and make a sauce from scratch, so over to Safeway I had to go. So that’s a tip, party people- meat sauce (and some pretty good choices at that) = Safeway, the meat-lover’s choice.Any good tips for befriending the people who work there? I do not own a fixed gear bike, and I wear clothes from the Gap … looks like I’m SOL!

  5. January 8, 2008 11:55 pm

    “Whole Foods to Buy Out Wild Oats”http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/news/news-whole-foods-to-buy-wild-oats-018458Whole Foods is the new Starbucks?

  6. January 8, 2008 11:55 pm

    “Whole Foods to Buy Out Wild Oats”http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/news/news-whole-foods-to-buy-wild-oats-018458Whole Foods is the new Starbucks?

  7. January 9, 2008 10:28 am

    You ought to know it would be business-impractical to sow them. Whole Foods only wants to inject a little moral fiber into their new asset before it liquidates.

  8. January 9, 2008 10:28 am

    You ought to know it would be business-impractical to sow them. Whole Foods only wants to inject a little moral fiber into their new asset before it liquidates.

  9. January 9, 2008 6:52 pm

    Roberto- either I have a dirty mind or you made a perfect double-entendre. Either way, I’m not business savvy enough to understand what the ‘real’ meaning could be. 😛

  10. January 9, 2008 6:52 pm

    Roberto- either I have a dirty mind or you made a perfect double-entendre. Either way, I’m not business savvy enough to understand what the ‘real’ meaning could be. 😛

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: